


Rumination

by Blooboop



Category: It Follows (2014)
Genre: F/M, Spoilers, but the stuff that happens in-movie is referenced, everyone else mentioned in passing, no archive warnings because none of that stuff happens in the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 19:58:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6720856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blooboop/pseuds/Blooboop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes she thinks back and regrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rumination

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a character/relationship analysis thing, but not entirely.

She’s grown up. They all have, in their own ways. Yara’s moved on to increasingly obtuse literature, while ever-supportive Kelly is considering social work. She and Paul are still together, trying to make things work despite the insecurities in their relationship.

But some things don’t change. Greg is still dead. She still keeps her eyes peeled, even though, for better or for worse, she knows she isn’t Its next target. She starts to check in with Paul a little more often when she realizes that. She still has nightmares about It and what It’ll do when ( _if,_ she has to remind herself) it catches up to her, and she still feels paranoia bubbling under her skin at the sound of steady, firm footsteps. She still thinks of her childhood dreams of romance and reflects on how much has changed since then.

She and Hugh ( _Jeff,_ she reminds herself) haven’t spoken much since then. Sometimes she thinks that it’s because he’s a terrible person, that it’s because he deliberately manipulated and infected her (because that’s what it is, some twisted goddamn infection) to save himself, but then she thinks of Greg and those fishermen and feels sick. Despite his betrayal, she understands. Their desperation is the same.

Sometimes she thinks that, given another chance, she would stop the curse. Maybe if she just stayed focused and ran far enough for long enough, she could outlive any other targets, and leave It at an impasse. She dreams she could have beaten death itself at its own game. For her, it’s the ultimate power fantasy, but it’ll never go any further than that. She made her choice when she passed It on. When push had come to shove, she had made the same choice as so many before her: to condemn others to help herself. It’s why she can’t bring herself to hate Hugh _(Jeff)_ and why they still maintain shaky (but distant, gotta stay safe) contact. The relationship does them both a little good; Jeff because he knows they’re both still safe, and Jay because she has one more person who really, truly understands. Every now and then her friends tell her that he’s awful and she shouldn’t talk to him anymore, but their little partnership survives all the same.

Other times she thinks of the boys. Jeff, whose goals she’s not sure she’ll ever understand. Greg, who, for all he did, couldn’t support her where it really counted. And then there’s Paul.

She isn’t always sure what to think of Paul. Often, everything is great. They’re a young couple facing down the impossible together. Occasionally, when it’s late and she’s jumping at every creak, she wonders how much of this, of their relationship, she really wanted. Were they brought together by love and dedication, or desperation and opportunity?

That question follows her like It did (does), and she almost feels like screaming.

**Author's Note:**

> With all the potential for angst that this movie's premise has, I'm surprised I don't see more fics or AUs about it. I wish there were more; I really like this movie. Please talk to me about it.
> 
> That being said, it's been about a year since I saw it, so please feel free to point out any inaccuracies. Thanks for reading!


End file.
